Between a Man and a Woman
by Phoebsfan
Summary: But she wasn't Sydney...she was Rita...


Between a Man and a Woman Phoebsfan Disclaimer: not mine...never will be...sighs...I'll just have to be content to be sharing my bed with Micheal...oh wait...I don't have that either...wow...that really sucks. Summery: Alice and Micheal... Rating: Golly...I guess PG if you really want to push it AN: I told myself that I would be staying out of the Alice arena cause...well it was just too much...being the avid Syd and Vaughn fan I just couldn't work up the angst for Alice cause then I'd have to feel for the character and I wanted to remain biased. But dumb stupid tonights ep...fine Alice has feelings to. I let her speak...maybe she'll let me be now.  
  
  
  
When I first saw her I thought maybe she was the one.  
  
No. I was worried about Micheal.  
  
Later, in the waiting room, when the nurses wouldn't tell me anything...when they wouldn't let me see him.  
  
That's when I thought back on it.  
  
But she wasn't Sydney. She was Rita.  
  
I'd be lying if I didn't say that this Sydney makes me insanely jealous. And I tried hard not to think about Rita again.  
  
But I see the way his eyes wander...every tall brunette catches his attention.  
  
And sometimes I feel like I'm only filling a void in his life. I know he loves me. But I don't think he's in love with me anymore.  
  
I wonder if he looks at Rita the same way... the way he looks at Sydney.  
  
But in the darkness of his bedroom...laying by his side while he sleeps...I can almost make myself believe that this relationship is not one sided. That he really wants me...Alice...here by his side at night.  
  
He talks in his sleep. Not often. And never anything more revealing then the one word that stabs me.  
  
The word that started all this doubt again.  
  
We'd been fine. But lately...well for five weeks now...ever since he got back from the business trip to D.C., he's been different. Or the same as before.  
  
When we broke up it was because of his midnight mumblings. I never told him I knew about her. Instead that we were growing apart and something about him needing to sort things out with himself.  
  
Often now I wonder if I should tell him. Ask him about her.  
  
About the one woman he dreams about.  
  
At first I wrote it off.  
  
Convinced myself that it wasn't about a person at all.  
  
Right before I broke it off with him I asked him... 'Have you ever been to Australia, Micheal?' I knew he'd started to travel more for his job. I'd hoped he'd taken a great trip to Sydney. It was hopelessly optimistic of me and deep down I knew it couldn't be true.  
  
'I mean I always thought it might be fun to visit. Spend a few nights in Sydney...'  
  
'No. I haven't.' His words had been brief. And that frown had appeared on his forehead again.  
  
That's when I knew for certain that Sydney wasn't a place.  
  
When he moaned her name in his sleep and pulled me closer to him with a content sigh.  
  
The few conversations he'd tried to hide from me by going in the other room...the ones that always sent him in to work. The ones he'd been careful...too careful...about not saying that one word.  
  
Sydney.  
  
I'd grown to hate the word. It consumed my life. Stealing everything I loved.  
  
And so I'd ended it to preserve my sanity more then anything else.  
  
His secret...  
  
It was killing me. And I needed out.  
  
When I bumped into him at a friends party...we were both so lonely...too needy...too drunk.  
  
He'd told me he missed me...and then made me believe it. That night he didn't mention Sydney....only Alice.  
  
And it had been only Alice for awhile.  
  
Cuddling closer to him I tried to forget her...Rita...she had nothing to do with us and our problems.  
  
But I couldn't help but wonder if his eyes followed her too. She had nice eyes. He's always had a weakness for soft, expressive, doe's eyes like hers. His mother...his sister... even he has said as much.  
  
I'm trying to believe that I can make him forget her. That it will only be my name, my form, in his dreams. But I'm not so sure it's possible. I'd believed that he'd moved on.  
  
Kissing his cheek, working my way down his neck, trying to get him to wake up and notice me. I was feeling neglected and he had always been rather good at remiding that.  
  
"Mmmm. Love you." he moaned trapping me in his arms. "...Sydney..."  
  
No.  
  
God no. Not again.  
  
I pull away and slip out of bed, waking him in the process. He looks at me confused as I pull on some pants.  
  
"Alice? What's going on?" I fight the tears but it's no use.  
  
How can I fight for him when I don't even know who I'm against?  
  
"Sydney." I cry out, unable to control the way my voice cracks.  
  
I can tell by the way he freezes, the look of dread in his eyes, that he knows he's been caught. I just wonder how long he's been with her. How long he's been sneaking out with another woman behind my back. Did he just happen to run into her at some party?  
  
No. He's not like that. But that only hurts me more. I know he's been faithful to me. But how long has his heart been yearning for her arms, her body, her company? And how long have I been her substitue?  
  
"Alice...it's not... I don't..." he couldn't find the words.  
  
I want to climb back into bed and heal the broken look on his face.  
  
"Micheal...you and I both know this isn't going to work. You don't love me the way you should."  
  
Frustrated he gets out of bed and trys to trap me in his arms, I dodge him skillfully as in frustration he questions me angrily.  
  
"And how is that Alice? Is there some kind of manul for this? What rules am I breaking? I love you Alice. I'm doing this the only way I know how. "  
  
Closing my eyes, I turn my back on him as I slip my shoes on before turning around to face him again.  
  
"Micheal...I know you love me. But this love... I shouldn't be here now." Grabbing my arm he tried once more.  
  
"Alice...I love you like no one else. Please.. What am I doing wrong? What kind of love am I not giving you?"  
  
"Between a man and a women Micheal...between a man and a woman." He dropped my arm as if it had burned him. Looked at me as if he had seen a ghost.  
  
He let me leave without a word. Standing in the door, battling with his own demons...  
  
Sydney doesn't know what she's getting.  
  
Only the best man I've ever known. Even if he couldn't love me like I wanted him to.  
  
He never would have left me.  
  
And I suppose thats all that anyone can really hope for. 


End file.
